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第舞大街舞号楼舞门五零五
总要改变的,也总会离开的。
结束的鼓点儿响起来,我们按捺不住地兴奋,整齐的结束,我们意犹未尽地离开,期待下次,下次。
可是,下一次……
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好久没听过这么真切地雨点儿声儿了。 -[也许,美国]
刚才打雷,声音不大不小不远不近。 窗户开了一条缝,清凉的风混着雨水的味道渗透进来。我停下敲击键盘的双手,仔细聆听。 是在下雨,还是在夜里。 在这样一个小城市,西北边上,高原地区。下雪比下雨要常见得多。夜雨,尤其少见。 我一个人在自己的房间,在这个小城市,在这样一个陌生的国家。听到熟悉的雨点敲打地面的声音,想起小时候住平房,裹着毛巾被听雨点声如睡得那些没有任何忧愁的夜晚。嘴角浅浅地笑了。 学校的捐款活动已经接近尾声。钱不多也不少。每一个尽力的人都是可爱的。 能记住所有来捐款的人,然后如果在校园里再碰到他们,我一定会给他们一个巨大的微笑。这仅仅是我目前能像到又能做到的。 越是在这个时候,身处之外的人越应该坚强。所以不再看那些惨兮兮的图片,那些只能让我变脆弱。 恩。 准备抱着被子听雨声睡觉了。
哦,要结婚了。 -[也许,美国]
上网才知道今天oscar颁奖。 打开电视,调了4。5下就调到了直播颁奖典礼的频道。 jay-jay johnson已经下完了,打开听,旋律却不像乐队的名字那样跳跃和欢快。 桌上放着ups的包裹单,plantronics的有话筒的耳机已经运到,这样,就又可以开始对这话筒说话了,然后放歌听。 周六天气格外的好,抓紧时间去放了风筝。风筝飞不过10米高,就被一团糟的线轴扯回来。所以在空旷的草地上只稍停留了一会,拍了几张照片,就匆匆撤退了。后来去逛laramie的小店。买了两个泥塑的靴子,dan买了一个八卦形状的香熏炉。 在街道里走,流窜于各个小店,我和dan 为香熏炉寻找芳香精油的时候,我街道了一个陌生的电话。 电话里的女孩说,瑶瑶,我要结婚了。 ---------------------- 吃晚饭的时候,wyoming又下雪了。 如果冷,又没有干净的秋衣秋裤,可以穿tights保暖。tights是什么。就是俗称的连裤长筒袜。 siqi要结婚了。8月份。 我却还在时不时,动不动就下雪的怀俄名抱着甜甜的热热的蜂蜜茶,安静地生活着生活。 :)祝siqi幸福。
Into the Wild -[也许,美国]
想写点东西。不知道该放在哪个分类里好。是看到一部电影想到的。但是更多的联想,是由zsong的签名,和一个自然现象引发的。 一周以前,学校union走廊上,竖起一张海报,颜色淡雅,男人坐在bus上,双手抱膝,侧脸。 海报上写了一些介绍性的简单文字,不仔细读,给人的感觉就好像是一个学生导演的独立小电影。 用手机记下了电影放映的时间。今晚8点。 下午5点的实验室里,一切顺利。希望可以在7点前做完所有事情,从容的吃晚饭,然后散布到as大厅看电影。结果pcr出来的结果是,我们满心欢喜的看到的colonies里竟没有我们要的序列。 什么也不想管了。太累了。完成一段工作,只想好好休息一下。 锁好实验室的门 去honkongbuffet吃晚饭。 返回的路上,dave接到电话,说有月蚀。 怎么都想不起eclipes是什么意思=。=可能我拼错了。 直到看见默默糊糊的半个月亮。 回家卧倒在床上,看了into the wild的前半段。自己download的。 to be continued。
鸡蛋西红柿面的夜晚. -[也许,美国]
白天考试,白天的前面的那个夜里,当然在看书. 中午实验,又饿着肚子,熬到下午的复习课. genetics很有趣,那个一直让我恐惧的老师,其实也有nice的一面. sure,ok,of course. 只要我们虚心接受.太聪明太笨应该都无妨把. 晚上跑回家,不想在去实验室, 要享受一下有热乎晚饭的夜,和专心看书的夜. 西红柿鸡蛋面真的是好东西. 唯一欠缺的. 就是,吃面条的时候,汤儿老往外贱... 赫赫. 好累啊.
我是怎么活过来的。 -[也许,美国]
可能是自己以前闲惯了。 新学期一开始,勤奋的老板,自己加班,捎带着让我也体验了一回累到不想动的实验室生活。 开学仅两周,就已经开始期待放假了。 每天10点下课以后,到晚上11点的时间,竟然一步不离的待在实验室,连外面下雪,也是最后回家的时候才知道。实验室三扇风景很好的大窗户就在眼前,窗帘从来不关,可是外面下雪,就愣是看不见。 越来越怀疑是不是自己手脚太不麻利了,把本来可以一个小时做完的试验放大到两个小时? 不是的。 是实验太多了。=。= 老板就一个人在努力,博士后在我来的时候刚刚离开。 每天连晚饭都每时间吃。 然后,就觉得生活每希望了,熬不到周末人就成干儿了。 就在这种绝望情绪泛滥的时候,学校里mlkday的系列活动中的一场小的reggae演出,拯救了我的小命。 那天走上pcr,溜去,演出过半,站在最后一排。 歌手很活跃,随性地和台下的人沟通。 他们说,离开国美国去其他国家履行的人请举手。哗啦啦大半场的手举起来。 他门说,从其他国家来的人请举手,哗啦啦又是一大半。 他们接这说,其实有时候,很多事情摆在面前,好像阻止了我们自由前进的步伐,但我永远相信,我不需要什么理由,只要我想,就可以做到。 然后就是一段半即兴的围绕这句话展开的小歌。 只要我想,就能做到。 我根着音乐跳起来,开始流汗,不过没有流泪。 隔天,我在ebay上拍下nikon slr相机一部,镜头齐全。 再隔天,机票打折网站发信来,说有去jameica的打折机票,春假那段时间。 我很高兴。如果我可以搞到jameica的签证。 一定要去那看一看。 我就是这么活过来的。 虽然很累,但是活的很好。 osz。
America-Allen Ginsberg & Tom Waits -[也许,美国]
(手动播放)
America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.
America two dollars and twentyseven cents January 17, 1956. I can't stand my own mind. America when will we end the human war? Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb. I don't feel good don't bother me. I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind. America when will you be angelic? When will you take off your clothes? When will you look at yourself through the grave? When will you be worthy of your million Trotskyites? America why are your libraries full of tears? America when will you send your eggs to India? I'm sick of your insane demands. When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks? America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world. Your machinery is too much for me. You made me want to be a saint. There must be some other way to settle this argument. Burroughs is in Tangiers I don't think he'll come back it's sinister. Are you being sinister or is this some form of practical joke? I'm trying to come to the point. I refuse to give up my obsession. America stop pushing I know what I'm doing. America the plum blossoms are falling. I haven't read the newspapers for months, everyday somebody goes on trial for murder. America I feel sentimental about the Wobblies. America I used to be a communist when I was a kid I'm not sorry. I smoke marijuana every chance I get. I sit in my house for days on end and stare at the roses in the closet. When I go to Chinatown I get drunk and never get laid. My mind is made up there's going to be trouble. You should have seen me reading Marx. My psychoanalyst thinks I'm perfectly right. I won't say the Lord's Prayer. I have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations. America I still haven't told you what you did to Uncle Max after he came over from Russia. I'm addressing you. Are you going to let your emotional life be run by Time Magazine? I'm obsessed by Time Magazine. I read it every week. Its cover stares at me every time I slink past the corner candystore. I read it in the basement of the Berkeley Public Library. It's always telling me about responsibility. Business- men are serious. Movie producers are serious. Everybody's serious but me. It occurs to me that I am America. I am talking to myself again. Asia is rising against me. I haven't got a chinaman's chance. I'd better consider my national resources. My national resources consist of two joints of marijuana millions of genitals an unpublishable private literature that goes 1400 miles an hour and twenty-five-thousand mental institutions. I say nothing about my prisons nor the millions of underprivileged who live in my flowerpots under the light of five hundred suns. I have abolished the whorehouses of France, Tangiers is the next to go. My ambition is to be President despite the fact that I'm a Catholic. America how can I write a holy litany in your silly mood? I will continue like Henry Ford my strophes are as individual as his automobiles more so they're all different sexes. America I will sell you strophes $2500 apiece $500 down on your old strophe America free Tom Mooney America save the Spanish Loyalists America Sacco & Vanzetti must not die America I am the Scottsboro boys. America when I was seven momma took me to Com- munist Cell meetings they sold us garbanzos a handful per ticket a ticket costs a nickel and the speeches were free everybody was angelic and sentimental about the workers it was all so sin- cere you have no idea what a good thing the party was in 1835 Scott Nearing was a grand old man a real mensch Mother Bloor made me cry I once saw Israel Amter plain. Everybody must have been a spy. America you don't really want to go to war. America it's them bad Russians. Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians. The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power mad. She wants to take our cars from out our garages. Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Readers' Digest. Her wants our auto plants in Siberia. Him big bureaucracy running our fillingsta- tions. That no good. Ugh. Him make Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers. Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help. America this is quite serious. America this is the impression I get from looking in the television set. America is this correct? I'd better get right down to the job. It's true I don't want to join the Army or turn lathes in precision parts factories, I'm nearsighted and psychopathic anyway. America I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
大概是在一次midi音乐节上,跑去,在dakou的摊位那买了一个小笔记本,里面夹着一张很小的盘,本子的第二页,就是整首诗的文字。
Allen的声音有点脆弱,Tom Waits的该死的煽情的音乐,让那个当时踌躇满志,向往美国生活的我,不禁又惆怅起来。
大三,我比正常人提前一年毕业的时候,整夜失眠,黑暗中,目光永远看不到的那个点,似乎就是我和美国的距离。于是ipod里一直不停循环,整夜。从清醒听到昏睡,起来时发现汗水湿透被子。当同学们拿着各种offer欢快的奔波于学校的各个角落,愉悦地向往明天的时候,我窝在寝室里,跟着allen,一句一句重复诗句,重复到泪流满面。
初次拿到诗句,无法理解里面allen的种种指向,比喻,还有讽刺。随着听的次数越来越多,一种悲伤的情绪,也越来越浓,我从一种无奈中,渐渐明白。
America,is this correct?
发烧。
没有思绪。
听吧。
America。
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